So I held a little voting poll on my Instagram about what my next blog post should be about. I got feedback on three topics and they were: Auditioning, Different types of theatre jobs, and Long distance relationships.
And the winner for this week was...(DRUMROLL PLEASE....) LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS!!! This topic is near and dear to my heart because almost every relationship that I have been in has been long distance at some point and I am about to be long distance with my boo thang again in a couple of weeks. *DISCLAIMER* All of these posts about specific topics are solely my opinion and if you don't agree or you have had different experiences that's alright and amazing and being different and thinking differently is what makes us all great. =) When I was in college I dabbled in this a bit with all of my relationships. When I left Paducah do to The Glee Project I was in a relationship and it was a difficult situation. I was nineteen years old, dating a woman, and going on national television. Neither of us were out to our families yet and that made it even more complicated. I was on this reality TV show and we weren't allowed to have our phones or computers at all while we were filming. I was limited to one 15 minute phone call (that was filmed) a week and because we were not out to our families I could only call her and talk to her like she was my best friend. Not being able to tell someone that you love them and not being able to hear that from someone when you are literally three time zones away is so painful and difficult. I let it sabotage me. I got to the point where all I wanted to do was go home. I stopped trying. I made my relationship more important than everything else in my life. I was young and I wasn't focused on my goals enough to step aside and look at my situation and know that I wasn't doing myself any favors. I didn't know that it was possible to be in love and be happy and successful. I stopped trying and I came home. I resented her for that. I resented her for the way she made me feel while I was on that show. I resented the fact that she made me feel like I had to choose. And I was so wrong to do that. It wasn't her fault that I gave up. That was my own insecurity and lack of confidence. I blamed her and that destroyed us. This was the first time I had ever been in love and it deteriorated because of distance. Thus I became terrified of any type of long distance relationship. I was ruined. From that moment on, any relationship that ran into any distance had a cloud of negativity and distrust looming above it. Every relationship I had after that had to endure SOME sort of distance. Whether it be a month or the whole summer. It always happened because of the type of work that I was going into. It would get to the point where even if I I thought there was some other reason the relationship wasn't working once I looked deeper into things I would realize that distance came into play. Sometimes just the idea of the unknown would cause irreparable damage. Then my senior year of college came and I swore that I wasn't going to get involved with anyone. I was going to focus on school and auditions and not on a relationship. After all, I was going to be graduating and moving and that would mean whatever relationship that I would start would have to be long distance and that actually scared the shit out of me. Second semester of college I fell in love with Wes Carman. Ya know, just a boy who had been in my life all 4 years. Right in front of my nose the whole time. I didn't want it. I was terrified. I called my mom. Haha. When I talked to my mom she told me, "At this point in your life, every relationship is going to be long distance because of the career you chose and that is okay. I did it with your dad and you can make it work if you really believe in the person you're with." Thank god for moms, right? I started this relationship and the first thing I asked was, "What's going to happen when we graduate? Are we going to stay together? What's going to happen? What are people going to say?" And the whole time all he said to me was, "we will see what happens. let's not make promises." And at first that really made me mad. Like, really really mad. I didn't like that. I wanted someone to promise to be with me forever and tell me that we were going to work out no matter what came our way. Because that's what I always saw in things that showed me the way love was supposed to be. I wanted to be with someone who saw an immediate future with me. And that was unrealistic. So so so unrealistic. We started taking it day by day and loving each other more and more without thinking about how we were going to handle the distance that was looming over us. After dating for 3 months we became long distance and went to jobs 800 miles away from each other. It was really hard at first but we continued to take every day as it came and continued to love each other. Next thing we knew we were about a year and a half in and we had made it work. Now, things didn't really get easy after that. We went through a lot of stuff that distance complicated and we are still learning. When I went to work on the cruise we almost didn't make it. I haven't been crazy open about that to anyone, but we really struggled. A lot. We always said that our relationship could withstand anything. But then life punched us in the face and all of a sudden we were grasping at the strands of a relationship that was unraveling. We had forgotten how to communicate and we didn't know who we were as a couple anymore. We lost "us". After a lot of long fights and a lot of tears. We started to get "us" back again. We had to reinstate things that were important to us years ago that we had lost touch of and the main thing we stopped doing was making promises. I had fallen back into my comfort zone of wanting to be promised a life regardless of what happened. That just doesn't work for us and we forgot that for a while. There are a few things that have really worked for me and my relationship and I think they could help anyone trying to get through this crazy long distance thing. I know when I lost touch of these things it made our day to day really difficult, so here's what they are:
I have spent the last two months with Wes here in Chicago and it has been amazing. But we are about to be apart and not know when we are going to see each other again and that is going to be really hard. Sometimes I need to remind myself of the things that I have talked about in this post because I forget and I get sad when I don't know what is coming next. If you trust your partner and they trust you then before you know it living day by day will turn into years together and it will be amazing. I promise you this. I am so happy that we have fought for our relationship and I am so happy that we have been able to grow from everything we have been through. The most important thing is to look at your relationship and search within it to see if there are things that make you happy that don't involve having to be around each other all the time. Find the things about each other that can fulfill, thrive, and survive distance. I'm no expert and I still get sad and lonely in random Airbnb's across the country. I'm still learning and I am thankful that you all chose for me to write about this because I can go back and read this when I am feeling doubtful. Thanks for listening, guys.
1 Comment
I was planning on doing this post on December 31st but I had a show and then we all went to a super swanky New Years party at The Drake Hotel here in Chicago. Then I was going to do it yesterday but I spent the whole day in bed watching Black Mirror and eating takeout. So here I am January 2nd sitting in my bed about to move to a different apartment in my building and feeling great. Let's review 2017 shall we?
January- I started a my first NYC restaurant job at ABCKitchen and I signed with a talent agency. February- Wes and I went to a burlesque show at Coney Island for Valentines day and it was one of the weirdest most offensive things I have ever done. We learned about the dangers of subletting from the wrong people. Lost $700 to one of those wrong people. Moved out of a bad living situation under the cover of darkness, and signed our first lease in an apartment in Washington Heights with some lovely handsome roommates (shout out to Garrett and Greg and Garrett's mom for making that all possible). I put together an Ikea bed all by myself without instructions. March- Went to some cabarets, played some board games, worked a lot, auditioned a lot, saw some broadway shoes, trudged through snow, lived my best NYC life. April- My last month in NYC because I found out at the beginning of the month that I was offered a contract with Carnival Cruise Lines. I said a lot of goodbyes to friends that became very close very quickly. Right before I left the city I had another callback for Beautiful, didn't hear anything, packed up my stuff and went on my merry way. I got a passport for the first time and left the city to cruise with my best friend (shout out to Montez for being the best). I left the country for the first time in my whole life. May- I started rehearsals for one of the most choreographically challenging jobs I have ever done. I met some of the best people I have ever met in my life. I worked with some of the most brilliant people. I pushed myself and saw results I was really proud of. I was proud of me this month. June- I MOVED ONTO A CRUISE SHIP. I always said I wanted to work on a cruise and perform and travel and I finally got to do it. I lived in a tiny cabin but it had rugs so I liked it (if you've ever worked on a ship you know that rugs and string lights make your cabin look like a real home and that's really important.) I met an bunch of people from a bunch of places I had never been or thought about going to. I got a new appreciation for different cultures and I fell in love with it. July- I paid for my parents to cruise and see me perform. My dad had never been on a cruise before so that was a really special thing for me to be able to do. I paid back my mom all the money that she fronted me during my NYC endeavors (which was a lot) and I got a killer tan. I got a really bad cold while my parents were on board and I thought I was going to die. No joke. I had a moment coughing backstage and i thought I was going to die and everyone was just going to find me in a sparkly two piece costume unconscious on the floor. The cold made it into the blog as one of the most monumental things that happened this year because I have never performed feeling worse in my life. But I did not miss a show. I was proud of myself this month too. August- This is the month I encountered body shaming for the first time. I debated about whether or not to put this in the post but it was important for me this year. For the first time in my whole theatrical life I had people talking to be about my weight as if I was severely out of shape and unhealthy. I was told that I needed to keep the weight off I lost during the sickness I had (I lost 10 pounds in 4 days) otherwise we were going to have a "talk" about it. I was within my contract and was hired as a curvy girl. People that had never met me and were just looking at my weight on paper told me to drop some pounds. I am thankful every day for the people that were around me during that time and helped me deal with what was being told to me (You know who you are). Just when the thought crossed my mind that I didn't want to be on the ship anymore and that it maybe wasn't the best environment for me guess what happened.....I GOT AN OFFER FROM BEAUTIFUL. I said my goodbyes, packed up my cabin, got everything in order, and was off the ship in 3 days. Flew to Canada and started rehearsals for my freaking dream. September- I opened as Janelle Woods in Ft. Worth, TX. I cried. I shook. I sang my heart out. I stayed in a really nice hotel and then learned what tour was all about and saved my money and never did it again haha. I met even more great people. It took a bit for some people to warm up to me but that's just because this business can be petty as hell (see my previous post entitled "go to a practice room and get your shit together") but eventually everyone was great. Everyone is great (special shout out to those of you who welcomed my weirdness and grew with me as we learned what it was like to be on tour. You guys actually saved me). October- I flew my mom to see the show in Reno, NV and had a wonderful week with her. I surprised her and I never get to surprise anyone because I am terrible at keeping secrets. I flew Wes to Sacramento, CA for two weeks and we got to go to San Fran and sight see. We ate a wonderful dinner at a wonderful restaurant and didn't have any cash for the Valet. We dressed up as Jessica Rabbit and Peter Rabbit and ate a lot of take out. November- I spent Thanksgiving with my mom and dad and Wes's family all together and it was wonderful. I surprised my best friend since 8th grade (shout out to Robert!!!) that I hadn't seen in two years and got to see him perform. I, of course, cried because that's what I do every time I see him onstage. I did my first meet and great with Beautiful and signed a lot of autographs. December- I moved to Chicago with Wes (we are here for two months on tour) and performed at the Palace Theatre. I was very cold. Turned 26. Went to a fancy new years eve party. Sang at a benefit for BCEFA (broadway cares equity fights aids) with the cast of Hamilton and Wicked. I SAW HAMILTON. I spent way too much money on food. Laughed a lot. In 2017 I got my equity card. Something I have been dreaming about since I was 10 years old. I joined a national tour and got to sing a solo onstage 8 times a week. Thankful doesn't even begin to cover it. This year was a dream. I fell in love so many times with so many different people. I laughed more than I thought possible and I became more and more aware that I had more than the average person and that I should be thankful and humble. There were some downsides and I definitely cried a lot. But I learned a lot of things about myself. I learned a lot about life and relationships this year. I never expected all of these things to happen and they did. Dude, someone in charge of the universe must really really like me. 2018 will be the year of: Taking care of myself. Physically and emotionally. Being better with my money. Being honest with people about the way I feel and not letting fear get in the way of that. Letting my mom brag and be proud of me in public without getting annoyed. Smoothing some of my edges because there is no need for them to be so sharp. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. Happy New Year Everyone! I am blessed to know you all. So, here I am!
In Chicago playing the Cadillac Palace Theatre. I live in an apartment literally across the street from the theatre. It legit takes me 3 minutes to get from the 12th floor of my apartment building to the call board to sign in. This apartment is so bomb. We have a full size lap pool, a giant gym with a life size chess set in it (that will be important one day I think) and a hot tub...which is outside so I will not be using it because #chicagowinter, but it's really really nice. We have been here for two weeks and it has been amazing not having to pack and move cities, but I have to say these past couple weeks have been INSANE. We had our christmas party last week and the day after we participated in a BCEFA (Broadway Cares Equity Fights Aids) benefit concert with our neighboring companies here in Chicago (Wicked and Hamilton). It was so cool. We raised $55,000.00 that night alone and everyone showed up and showed out with their performances. It was such an unreal experience to be able to perform with all of those crazy talented people. We have been in rehearsals welcoming two new members into the cast and they BOTH made their debuts here in Chicago. It has been non-stop and all go go go since I got here but it's great. I am so happy with where I am right now. Wes is here. I forgot what it felt like to have a boyfriend you see everyday. It's seriously something I took for granted before we had to do long distance again. It took a bit to adjust but we are in a good groove now. It's really really nice to have him here. It gives some normalcy to a otherwise incredibly abnormal lifestyle. I get to cook dinner and do laundry for someone else. I know that sounds crazy but I really enjoy being a little bit domestic every now and again. We have decided to start a new diet...I don't want to call it that actually. Food plan? I don't know. We are basically eating a vegetarian diet 5 days a week. We went grocery shopping today and it was actually one of the most stressful things I have ever done. I should have made a list, I suppose. No I don't suppose. I for sure should have made a list. I don't have a lot experience making 100% Vegetarian meals (I was a pescatarian for 2 years so i know how to make meals like that...but purely vegetarian not so much) and I was just kind of wandering around the store trying to figure out what meals I could make out of random things that weren't meat. I'd grab some asparagus, mushrooms, and bell peppers and be like....now what? Dinner? It was only a slight disaster. I just made it home with two pieces of jack fruit that I am not ENTIRELY sure what to do with. If anyone has any suggestions let me know. I'm trying to make this work. Also, Wes has never gone a day without some sort of meat in his diet so pray for that as well. This is going to be a challenge. My birthday is coming up in like 4 days and I get to perform on it. I have never in 19 years of performing done a show on my birthday. I am really excited. I thought about taking a personal day but the idea of bringing in my 26th year onstage doing what I love brings a huge smile to my face. I am, however, taking a day off the day after my birthday. I am planning on trying to see a show, eat some good food, go shopping...ya know all the fun birthday things. I am buying myself a new guitar and I couldn't be more stoked about that. I have really been neglecting that part of me for some time now and I really want to get back into writing music and playing again. It used to be such a large part of my life. I have so much free time on the road and I would really like to see what becomes of it if I pick it back up again. I will for sure be posting something when that purchase is made. I have to apologize a bit for how random my postings are. I literally use this blog as an update on my life (for those of you that care about that) and also to vent about dumb people who do dumb things. There is literally no theme. When people find out that I blog they always ask me what I blog about and I don't have an answer. Maybe one day this blog will morph into something more specific than ramblings... BUT UNTIL THAT POINT I WILL CONTINUE TO EMPTY OUT MY BRAIN. Thanks for humoring me, ya'll. Im pretty sure I just hit my one year anniversary of blogging which is honestly the longest I have ever stuck with something like this. Yay me! Stay warm. It's almost Christmas! Some things have been placed on my heart as of late and I need to get it out. If you are in the performing industry I hope you read this and you find some sort of solace in what I am going to tell you. I hope that we can band together and stop this business from being so gross sometimes.
I am an actress. I have been performing on a stage for nearly 20 years. I have been in over 100 productions and I love my life. I love the things that I have been blessed with and I love the obstacles that have been put in my way because it has taught me how to solve problems. It has taught me to see the way others deal with obstacles and decide for myself what I would do in those situations. I have always lived my life trying to be humble and kind. Sure, I am sassy as hell and my confidence can come off sometimes as though I am conceded. But don't get it twisted. I am truly one of the most humble and nervous people you will ever meet. When you get to know me you learn quickly that every success that comes to me is the largest surprise and graciously accepted blessing there is. WITH ALL OF THAT SAID, I AM NOT PERFECT. NOR TO A CLAIM TO BE THE MOST APPROACHABLE PERSON. The thing that has been on my mind so heavily lately is that this business can be a nasty one. You can be ridiculed for the way you look. For how much you weigh. For how you dress. So many petty things that don't matter at all. Sure these judgements happen in the work place from directors and casting but more times than not these judgements often come from your colleagues. People that you sit next to everyday in the dressing room. People that you smile at onstage. People you get drinks with after a two doe shay. And that is gross and toxic and not okay. We all decided to come into a business that is slightly superficial. We chose this because it's where our passion lies. You have to REALLY love what you do to put up with walking in a room and sometimes within 5 minutes being told that you are just too tall/short/thin/fat/dark/light/butch/feminine for a role. It's hard out here in the entertainment world. Whether you are still in school, working at a theme park, a regional theatre, or broadway. The judgement is always going to be there. So why after knowing good and well that we are walking into a judgement filled room everyday during audition season do we do this to other performers? Why are we tearing each other down? Why are we trying to sabotage each other? I cannot tell you how many situations I have been in where I have experienced nothing short of full-fledged bullying based on nothing substantial. It is painful and it is damaging. When your whole life is your job because you are on a cruise ship or on a tour you CANNOT be so petty. You just can't. I am sure I am guilty of doing this as well and it has become incredibly apparent to me lately that we have to make an effort to end this. I am so tired of mentioning my issues with bullying in the industry and being met with the statement "Well, people in this business are catty." Let's stop accepting that as fact. I was having a conversation with someone the other day and they called me out on something I said that sounded rude. She said "We have to support each other and stop thinking that everyone is competition." Wow. Yes. We do. Truer words have never been spoken. I know this is heavy, but many of you that read this blog are guilty of the cattiness. I am guilty. We are all guilty. But it's not enough to acknowledge that it's a thing. It isn't enough to admit our faults. We have to be better. There is enough negativity in the world and the only way to counteract that is to be nicer to each other. I like to view it as my job to give people a solace from whatever negativity is going on in their lives and when I have to come to work and deal with pettiness and judgement it feels counter active. Be confident in yourself and stop viewing everyone as competition. We are all in this together. If you meet someone who sings better than you go to a practice room and get your shit together. Cheer them on. Support your fellow performer. No one ever got anywhere happy and emotionally stable by being mean to those along the way. Don't just be nice to those behind the table. Be kind to everyone. Be confident in your abilities and route for your fellow entertainers. This business will eat us up otherwise. Sorry for all that. I 'm just really really tired of mean and negative people being in my space. It's not hard to be kind. It's the easiest thing in the world. I have tried to write this 3 times now. The same thing will happen. I will start to type out a new post and then I will get distracted by life. I will go back, read it, decide that the things I am talking about are not relevant anymore and then delete the whole post. 3 times I have done this. And every week that I didn't post something new I felt like I was letting my hobby die. I really really like blogging. It isn't because I think tons of people read it. It's because it makes me happy. I have always been into journaling and I like social media. These two things make for a perfect blogging life! I like being able to go to a new place to blog every week. It's like a little date that I take myself on in every city and I really enjoy doing that. I was getting really frustrated with myself because in general it is really hard for me to get a hobby and hold onto it. Most of the time Netflix or Hulu will overcome any and all free time I have and before I know it all I have done for a week is binge watch Shondaland and do my show. That's yucky and I don't want to do that. It took me a minute of self frustration to realize that I hadn't been posting because I was living my life. Like, my real life. And that made it hard for me to find time to blog about it. Typing that out seems silly. I was doing things that I wanted to blog about but by the time I got time to sit down and write about it I was doing something else exciting. After my mom was in town Wes came out to tour for a while in Sacramento. He was with me for 2 1/2 weeks and it was wonderful. It took us a minute to remember how to be a couple. That's one of those weird things that you never really think about having to worry about when you are in a long distance relationship. You have to be able to maintain a relationship when you can touch and look at each other all the time and when you can't. You go from trying to maintain a conversation that lasts longer than 10 minutest to suddenly having to check with another person about what essential oils to put in the diffuser and it makes it a bit of a challenge. It's a welcome challenge...but a challenge none the less. The cast of Beautiful is currently in San Jose and we are about to go on a layoff week. This lay off week is particularly the bomb.com because it's thanksgiving week. This year instead of Wes and I choosing who's parents we spend thanksgiving with we are all doing it together. His parents, my parents, the whole shabang. I'm very excited. I like to say that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday but I think that I just like holidays if I am being honest. Halloween really gets me going as well as every other holiday that exists. Including but not limited to Labor Day. ( I just read that sentence and it actually is sounds so lame...but i'm keeping it.) After Thanksgiving I am spending a couple of days in NYC and hopefully seeing some lovely friends (if you are one of those lovely friends hit me up), a short stop in Tulsa, OK, and then we do a 2 month sit down in Chicago. I am so friggin' excited. I just want to sign up for all of the classes and do all the things. SPEAKING OF CLASSES If you are reading this and you know of any voice teachers in Chicago that you would recommend please let me know. Biddy needs to get back in that learning mode. It's been a minute. Wes is going to be in Chicago with me auditioning and taking voice over classes and stuff. I think it'll be really good for us and a wonderful way to end out a year that no doubt has been the most eventful of my life. I learned some cool things about myself in the past couple of weeks and I chopped off all my hair. I went to the doctor and was told I had pleurisy and went to an apple orchard. I didn't have pleurisy and I am better now. I drank apple wine and tried to go up in hot air balloon for Wes's birthday only to have it cancelled 3 times. I went to a GIANT sock store and ate an overpriced lunch in an old fire station. I got new headshots and saw the Golden Gate Bridge for the first time. I walked up about 500 stairs in the course of 2 days and sleep within 1 mile of Charles Manson. I drove a mustang and I spent $200.00 on dinner one night because it made me happy. I ate lunch and drank whiskey at a whiskey bar. Cheers to living life to the fullest. Hello! So, I didn't get to post last week because my computer decided to trick me and pretend not to charge. I didn't use it for a week week and had to take a $40 round trip Uber ride to an Apple store ONLY to find out there is absolutely nothing wrong with my computer... So I have two cities worth of updates for you all! Let's start with Eugene, Oregon: HOLY CRAP. Guys, Oregon is beautiful. I stayed in this cute little guest house that was attached to a larger house where a family lived. It had a lofted bed and a little garden that had grapes and apples growing there. All of this was wonderful, HOWEVER, the first night I was there I felt like I was in a horror film. But actually. See, I arrived a day before my roommates and I was there all by myself the first night. My computer and my phone had basically died on the plane and I needed to recharge them. I tried to plug in my devices and nothing was charging. The cords were not reacting to any sort of power. The internet wasn't great and I had no service on my phone. It got dark really quickly and before I knew it, I was in a strange house in the middle of nowhere with no phone or any means of communication with the outside world. ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT FOOLISHNESS, There was a door in the living room that led to another room I think? I am not sure because the door locked from the other side. It was really scary. I started to get into my head and I was like, this is it. This is how I die... I didn't die. I'm fine. Just dramatic. The weather was perfect. It was about 50-60 degrees everyday and my company was delightful (shout out to Aashley and Jimmy). The first day we were in town we rode bikes for 7 1/2 miles to go to a dispensary (yes, weed is 100% legal in Oregon. Another reason to love it so much). The landscape was gorgeous. Our Airbnb host made us scones in the morning and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies at night. It was actually so nice. I had never been to Oregon before and I didn't want to leave. I went to this really cute outdoor festival the last day of the show and they were selling handmade jewelry and edibles on the street (although it was cool, of course I didn't purchase any edibles on the street. That would be ridiculous if me). The audiences could have been better, but that's just one thing that you have to get used to when you are performing for different states on a tour. They are receptive in different ways. It was a gorgeous city. NEXT CITY RENO, NEVADA! We rode on a bus for 8 hours and it sucked. So, I surprised my mom and flew here to Reno so that she could be the first person out of all of my friends and family to see me in the show. She flew in on Monday and she left yesterday. It was a wonderful 5 days with her. It was nice to get to have some familiarity on tour. You get so used to going to new places and adjusting so quickly. It was really nice to have mom around. We got to spend a lot of quality time together and talk about stuff. She's actually my favorite. She loved the show and was so proud. It's just what I needed and I didn't even know it. Reno is an interesting city. There are obviously a lot of casinos and along with that comes a lot of sketchy people. My mom and I went to a place that had Karaoke and I have never seen so many sketched out humans. It was like they were actively trying to look as unapproachable as possible all while being very outgoing about approaching YOU. We did meet some nice people, we got some free food, and some free nights in the hotel. My mom is clearly the reason I know how to work the system so well. I was so happy she got to join me and she got to see the show. It was wonderful. I was sad to see her go, but Thanksgiving will be here before I know it. THIS DIET THING Yes, I am still doing Isogenix. No, I do not like it. It's not easy and I hate it. However, I haven't COMPLETELY fallen off of the wagon but I have wavered a little bit. My mom being in town made it virtually impossible to not eat a meal every time I was hungry. Even though I have not followed this program EXACTLY it has made me do a couple of things:
Phew! This isn't the easiest thing I have ever done. Tomorrow we have another bus ride to Fresno, California and it's only 4 1/2 hours...which is better than 8...but I still don't want to. Fresno is the last week before WES CARMAN COMES BACK INTO MY LIFE AND I AM SO EXCITED I CAN'T FREAKING STAND IT. Love all, yall. * Below are some pics from Reno. Apparently I didn't take any in Eugene. Coming to you on another Saturday in another coffee shop. This time it's a coffee/ hookah bar. So basically what I'm saying is that it smells great in here (if you are into that sort of thing and I am). Since the last time we talked I have gone to see "mother!", started a diet, gone to a bar where there were bras hanging from the ceiling, been really hot because... Arizona, and tried to get my life together. Tucson is great. Very hot and there aren't a lot of sidewalks so it's a little hard to walk places but there are beautiful murals. It's a college town so there are a lot of 18 year olds running around...but all in all a great place. Let's talk about some things: "mother!"- Where do I freaking start? It's going to be really difficult to go into this without giving any spoilers but I assure you I will try and then triple read everything to make sure that I don't ruin it for yo. This is really important film to see. Before I saw it I read some reviews and articles about people that walked out because of one specific scene. I didn't want to know what the scene was before I saw the film (although it would have been easy to do and honestly if I had it wouldn't ruined anything for me. I will say I don't RECOMMEND looking up this scene because you will just be waiting for it to happen the entire time and you'll miss the journey of the movie). I am very good at separating film and real life. So when I heard there was a "controversial" scene I did not shy away. It's pretty hard to shock me. I went to see this film after a LONG travel day going through 3 different time zones in order to keep myself awake so my body could adjust...let me tell you...it kept me more than awake. The only issue that I had was that I didn't feel like the film was advertised well. There is an interview with Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem and in that they explain that the entire film is an allegory for the way we treat the earth and what the possible relationship between God and Mother Earth is. It is so poignant and lovely. If I had gone into the movie not knowing what the premise was I may have missed out on understanding exactly what was being laid out in front of me. I'll post the link to the interview below. GO SEE THIS MOVIE. It's an important piece of art. It is not an easy watch by any means, you will squirm, you will cringe. But it's worth it. Maybe don't go alone like I did. Bring someone you can squeeze. We are all guilty of being a little bit trashy and seeing this film may make less trashy. INTERVIEW: www.facebook.com/NowThisEntertainment/videos/1559906900737533/ ISOGENIX- I started a shake meal replacement 30 day diet thing that is supposed to help my body get snatched for Halloween or thats the plan (for those of you who are unfamiliar with the term "snatched" it is: a popular term in the gay community referring to good looks, fierceness, or something good.- Urban Dictionary) Basically, I take a lot of supplements, drink two protein shakes a day, regulate my snacking, and eat a meal thats 600 calories (which is more food than you think. An ENTIRE bag of cauliflower rice is 125 calories). I am basically doing this because I want to get my eating back on track. For the couple of months that I was on the ship I didn't eat very well. Plus all the food is filled with salt and stuff. Food that's made for people to eat for a week while on vacation NOT for you to eat everyday! I am also guilty of not eating the best during rehearsals for shows. SOOO I have been eating pretty terribly for a while now. I am trying to view this as more of a nutritional reset than a diet. I'll let you know how it turns out. I am not allowed to eat dairy, bread, drink coffee, or alcohol. It hasn't been easy but I am on day three and so far so good. Hanging Bras- I went to this bar the second night I was in town and it was a bar complex situation. There were three separate bars in one building and they all played different types of music. One had top 40 hits, one had like EDM (electric dance music), and then the one I was in had country music. I have to say, since being on this tour I have seen more people country line dance than I have in my entire life. Which is impressive because I grew up in Kentucky and have been to some COUNTRY places. At this place there were bras hanging from the ceiling above the bar and the bartenders danced on said bar. Kind of like Coyote Ugly...but they weren't very good. There were men flipping girls over their heads to Shania Twain music and lots of 19 year old girls making bad choices. I was a sophomore in college again. I hated it and I don't miss it a bit. It was fun to go back to college for a few hours but after that I am good with a quiet Saturday night at home. Getting my life together: Haha what? I know. I'm trying ya'll. I am very easily stressed out on the inside. I RARELY seem overwhelmed on the outside but on the inside...woah. There are a lot of things that go into tour other than walking on a different stage every week and performing. You have to be a good packer, a good traveler, and good at finding affordable housing in enough time so you aren't paying a RIDICULOUS amount of money on hotels. I am starting to make a list of everything I need to do and what order I need to do it in so that I can get the ball rolling...but I have to tell you: As someone who HATES packing and HATES flying (I know, I chose the BEST job) It takes a lot to book housing weeks in advance. But I am doing it. I am working out every morning and I am trying to disconnect from binge watching so much Netflix. It takes up too much time and I don't get anything done. It's a waste of my time. PLUS, "Grey's Anatomy", "This Is Us", and "Jane The Virgin" are happening in real time now so there is no need to binge. =) I'm really happy with things right now and that is exciting. Here's to organization and joy. I am going to start adding photos on here of where I am writing and some highlights of the city. Hi there! I am writing this to you from a super hip coffee shop/plant shop in Oklahoma City. I ordered a coffee and a sandwich and they served my coffee in a mason jar and gave me a playing card as my service ticket (I am the 10 of clubs). I am closing in on my last few performances here in Oklahoma city and it has treated me well. I am staying in this ADORABLE Airbnb with some pretty rad ladies. It's owned by the head electrician of the theatre and he gives us rides home and his wife does our laundry. It's unreal. It's insane. And it's perfect. He is an english man with blonde dreadlocks who loves Dr. Who, and although I have never in my life seen an episode in my life my friends tell me that means he's cool. So far I have had nothing but positive experiences here in the good ol' OKC save for one evening.
STORY TIME!!! The other day the cast decided to go out for a birthday and we wanted to go to this Barcade down the street from our theatre. It sounded really cool and the perfect environment for what we were looking for. After the show we all walked to this bar (there were 3 people in the bar before we walked in...there were like 25 of us, so there was a lot of money about to be spent in this establishment). As soon as we walked in we were all carded. Fair dues. This was a bar. No worries there. As we all took out our IDs there was one person with us who did not have a US issued ID. They had an drivers license from their country saying when they were born, it was a picture ID, it was valid and within the guidelines of government picture identification. The bartender looked at the ID and refused service. He then proceeded to say that this person could not remain on the premises because his owner told him to do this to anyone without a valid US ID. We explained to him that we were all there for a birthday and if they weren't allowed to drink could they please stay and hang out with us. We were told that this person had to leave. I then interjected and asked is this was a state wide rule or if this was a rule particularly applying to this bar at which time the bartended said "i don't know. this is what I was told." We obviously then all left and went to another bar and had a wonderful evening and that Barcade lost a shit ton of money. Now here is my issue, If the owner of this bar actually told this bartender to enforce this rule that means that the owner of this bar does not allow anyone on the premises that is not an american citizen WHICH IS SO SO SO SO WRONG. It could be argued that the bartender was just "doing his job", but like...he could have at least let this person stay. He didn't have to serve them drinks. I will not say that I hate living in America. There are many things that America stands for that is awesome. I will say that America at the moment (some would argue longer than a moment) is broken. It's so broken. I have spent a lot of time with people that are not United States citizens lately and I have seen American through many different colored eyes. There are some HUGE issues. This night made me sad. I included this story so that you see what is happening. I think a lot of people in a lot of small towns without direct ties to anything that might be seen as "controversial" choose not to see what is happening in the world. Maybe this situation is being blown out of proportion, but I will say that no other bar as had this issue while we have been here. No other bar has refused service. Look around at whats going on. It's real and it's happening and it sucks. I have recently begun reading the Artist's Way. I think many of you who read this blog have read it before, and if you haven't I think that as creatives we owe it to ourselves to experience it (at first I wrote, "we owe it to ourselves to read it" but realized later while editing that I am doing much more than that with this book). One of the things that is involved in "experiencing" this book is doing "Morning Pages". You just write for three pages first thing in the morning. Whatever comes to your mind. It's a lot harder than it sounds. I am not even having problems finding what to write. It's the fact that I have to write first thing in the morning. I have been doing a terrible job of doing it in the morning but that's okay. I do that sometimes, I "fail" at something I want to do and then I just decide I might as well quit instead of getting back into it at my own pace. It takes me a long time to commit to things sometimes. I learned that about myself. I learned that if I don't do it the way others think it should be done that's okay. As long as I do it and I am proud of myself. I have been reading the book for three days and I have already learned something. It's a gem. Read it. That's all I have for now. I'll see you in Arizona! Hello, Friends!
This post is coming to you LIVE from the new and improved internet connection in my Holiday Inn Express hotel room in El Paso, Texas. As the smell of my frankincense essential oil and the sweet sounds of SZA fill the room, I sit here on my king size bed (that I only use half of...seriously half of the bed has remained made up to perfection since I checked in) prepared to fill you in on my life and provide you a bit of entertainment on your Thursday evening. I must warn you, I am very tired and I just got my computer fixed so I am excited to type. Get ready for some ramblin'. Tomorrow is Friday!! Which for me doesn't matter because it means I am about to go into a weekend of two show days, but for you I hope it means time off and lots of sleeping in. *brief bunny trail that TRULY has nothing to do with anything: There is a pizza place down the street from the theatre and I went there last night for pizza and tonight (your judgement is accepted). I walked in and this man asked me if I was ready to order (he worked there, he wasn't just some rando man) I ordered my pizza and a fountain drink. After him asking me many questions about my life he whispered to me, " I didn't charge you for your drink." ... Sir, work on your swag. I would be going home with you if you had whispered "I didn't charge you for your second slice of pepperoni" (not really mom. It's a joke.) I am in my second city on tour and its really hot and hard to breath here. We are at an altitude of 3,740...if you don't know what that means...it basically means you feel like you're going to die anytime you do any sort of activity. -Our dressing rooms are two floors away from the stage. -We are doing a musical. -We are alive and functioning humans. THERE IS A LOT OF ACTIVITY! It's hard out here for a Kentucky girl (a western Kentucky girl...we don't deal with that thousands of feet above sea level mess). I am still trying to get used to this whole tour life thing. It's a big struggle to get out of this hotel room and do something other than laying around and watching Netflix until call. I think I am going to start making it a goal to do something outside of my hotel/ airbnb every day. I'm already exhausted thinking about it. That is a thing I really have to get on top of. This was going to be the city I "started to do things" so far... I have watched 2 full seasons of Weeds since Monday. So I'm basically killing it. I am excited to get into a rhythm and get settled into what my life is for the moment. That would be chill. In short: Life is good. My job is sweet. Long distance relationships are hard. I really enjoy travel sized bottles of toiletries. And I saw a cat jump fearlessly into the gutter last night; I can only hope to be that brave one day. If you are reading this and you have any suggestions on things that I should do with my free time feel free to comment! No promises that I'll take your suggestions because I really enjoy being lazy and complaining about it, but I might! * special shout out to: Sarah G. Who was shocked that it took me years into our friendship to divulge that I was a blogger. Our whole friendship has been based on lies. I'm sorry. Sarah B. Who just didn't understand what my blog was...here it is, you're welcome. And to Kaylee, I haven't said anything about you yet. Wait until we live together next week. Peace out, ya'll! See you in Oklahoma City! SOOOO many things have happened since I last posted. If you follow me on Facebook (which I am sure most of you do because how else would you know this blog existed) then you know that some big changes have happened. So let me give you a bit of backstory on how my life got so crazy.
About 2 1/2 years ago I auditioned for the first national tour of Beautiful: The Carol King Musical. I was still in college. I got a final callback in NYC for the tour and a replacement with the broadway company. I didn't book. I have been seen several times over the past couple of years to no avail...or so I thought. Fast forward... Last April I had just gotten the news that I booked the Carnival Freedom and I was so excited to check that off of my list of places I was dying to work. One day while I was browsing in the National Museum of Sex (I love New York) my agent called me and told me that Beautiful wanted to see me for a swing on the tour before I left town for the cruise. I crossed my fingers, took a deep breath, relearned the material, and went in to the audition. I was told I would find out something within the next two days. I didn't book. I decided that I would go ahead and take Carnival and if Beautiful was supposed to happen it would happen. It just wasn't my time yet. That has been the hardest thing I have learned since college. That sometimes it's just not YOUR time yet. I went through rehearsals with the ship and about a month and a half/two months of performing onboard when I got a text from my agent right before I was going onstage for one of my shows. "If you got an offer from Beautiful would you take it?" WOAH... I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what to say. I literally starting shaking. I tried to put it out of my head and get on with my performance but there were so many things going on in my head, "Was this the last time I would perform Getaway Island? Was I just cast on the national tour? Was I just cast on Broadway? What is my life? What do I do?" Literally having a nervous breakdown while singing "Surfin' Safari". I stayed in contact with my agent and two days later I had an offer and an invite to join the national tour in Toronto. I found out Wednesday. I had to get off of the ship Saturday. Needless to say everything started speeding by and life got real crazy real fast. I had no time to process anything. I was all of a sudden packing my entire cabin and trying to fill out my bio and paper work at a little cafe in Mexico and send it to press people and company managers. Everything basically went to a slightly controlled and unbelievably exciting shit storm. I flew to Toronto saw the show 4 times, rehearsed, met some lovely people, spent a lot of money, and now I am in a lay off week in Cincinnati with my boo thang. I am so thankful for everything that has happened to me in the last 3 weeks. I am so thankful for the people around me that have made this an easy transition. I'm living my dream and I couldn't be more excited. |
AuthorMiki. 26. NYC. Beautiful: The Carole King Musical National Tour. Archives
January 2018
Categories |